The skewed perspective of a conservative Catholic employee-side employment lawyer living in the most exciting city in the Milky Way, Las Vegas, Nevada USA, who listens to a lot of really strange music and who, for some reason, lives and dies St. Louis Cardinal baseball

3/05/2005

Easter Bunny blues

I saw the Easter Bunny today at the outlet mall. You (presumably only if you're under the age of six or so) could get your picture taken with the over-sized rabbit, for a fee of some sort. I waved to him as I walking by, but he didn't wave back. And he could have, because there was precious little action at the Easter Bunny booth, even though the mall had a fairly large kiddie population at the time.

Santa's usually mobbed as soon as he makes him annual appearance at the mall (which is usually, what, some time between Columbus Day and Halloween?). Why so little interest in the Easter Bunny? Easy. The Easter Bunny is, far and away, the lamest of the Big Three childhood fantasy figures, which includes Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy.

I'm guessing that of the imaginary troika, the Easter Bunny is the first to go for every child in America over the last 50+ years. I stopped believing in the Easter Bunny a good year or so before Santa. We didn't have giant, buck-toothed, bowtie-wearing hares handing out chocolate at the Mall when I was a kid. Hell, we didn't even have shopping malls until I was teenager! When we wanted to shop, we had to go to department stores. Full-priced department stores. We had no discounters back then.

But I digress. Even if we had giant, buck-toothed, bowtie-wearing bunny rabbits in our stores, I still wouldn't have believed. The bunny thing made no sense. Bunny + eggs? What's up with that? Since I didn't understand the whole fertility symbolism back when I was five, the whole thing was nonsense. The Santa myth made sense on its face. Old man likes to hand out presents. Of course! Makes sense. But bunny handed out dyed eggs? And chocolate? And those malted milk robin eggs thingies? And little sugar-coated chicken-shaped marshmallow stuff? What's that got to do with rabbits?

Bottom line: getting a photo with a giant, buck-toothed bowtie-wearing bunny rabbit just doesn't say Easter to me. At least not like this.

By the way, the Tooth Fairy was the last one I surrendered to their material world, largely because of an incident where, under my pillow in my bedroom, a tooth got exchanged for a coin one morning while both of my parents were with me in the kitchen. I still don't know how that happened. Because of this, I'm still not quite 100% convinced there's no Tooth Fairy.
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