The skewed perspective of a conservative Catholic employee-side employment lawyer living in the most exciting city in the Milky Way, Las Vegas, Nevada USA, who listens to a lot of really strange music and who, for some reason, lives and dies St. Louis Cardinal baseball

4/09/2005

Why I hate the Boston Red Sox

When the 2005 baseball season began with two New York Yankee victories over the defending World Series champion Boston Red Sox, it was cause for celebration. Sure, these were only two games in a 162-game season. The BoSox were not headed for 0-162. And, unlike the NBA, were a stinky team theoretically could end up with a single-digit win total in a season that is only slightly more than one-half the length of a baseball campaign, Boston was still well on track for a winning season.

But in this world we must learn to enjoy the good times while they are with us. And I loathe the Boston Red Sox.

With the opening of the new Farrelly Brothers "romantic comedy" centered on the Red Sox winning the World Series, my Red Sox hatred is at a, dare I say, "fever pitch."

While this is admittedly the ranting of a Sox-Hatah, the media's Sox-mania has long since crossed over into overboard territory. Omnipresent Sox caps with that obnoxious retro "B." Movies. TV (that whole "Queer Eye" makeover). Having one of the Yankees' hometown papers, the New York Times, surreptitiously acting as homers not for either New York team, but for Boston (a team which, by the way, they own in small part). The whole faux intellectual "baseball is a metaphor for life" crowd, each one a Sox fan. New England-based ESPN converting to all-Sox all-the-time coverage, even setting aside the obsessing from ESPN writer and celebrity suck-up Bill Simmons. Each one thinking the Red Sox are some sort of lovable underdog.

They are not. They are a very wealthy team that, for years now, has had the second biggest payroll in baseball. Bud Selig has bent the rules in the recent past in favor of them (and other Buds of Bud, like the Other Sox). The only reason they have not won more frequently is blatant stupidity. But money can buy you out from under a whole lot of stupidity and, in 2004, the Sox finally managed this feat.

I would even go so far as to say that the Red Sox tradition for losing (now briefly broken) is a metaphor for failed liberalism. The Red Sox are the home team for elitist left-ism. Hell, they're even owned by the failed newspaper of failed liberalism. Like the "intellectual" left, the Red Sox think that they are the oppressed underclass. Like hell. The Twins are the oppressed underclass. The K.C. Royals. The Pirates. The late Expos. Even the Selig Family Brewers. These are baseball's oppressed underclass. Not a team with a massive TV market and home game sellouts stretching to the next millennium. Not one that can afford the second biggest payroll in baseball. The Red Sox are like the liberal elitists who have deluded themselves into thinking that stand alongside the proletariat struggle when, in fact, they themselves are among the most out-of-touch bourgeoisie.

Quite interesting that this is the team of the Doris Kearns Goodwin and Ken Burns liberals, given its disgusting racial history. The Red Sox were the last team to integrate and have a history of unfortunate racial incidents, from refusing to sign Jackie Robinson, to the Tommy Harper firing, to the Oil Can Boyd police scuffle (admittedly, more a reflection of Metro Boston than the team). No wonder African-American players such as Barry Bonds and Tim Raines said they wouldn't play for this team.

The Red Sox have a number of players I like. I have loved and admitted Tim Wakefield for years, ever since he came up with the Pirates as a light-hitting first minor league first baseman who re-invented himself as a knuckleballer and postseason hero. Despite the loss of Nomar - who like most players who leave this franchise, left angry and bitter - the Sox always seem to have the most Georgia Tech alumni in the majors, this year adding Jay Payton to go with Jason Varitek. And what true conservative doesn't like Curt Schilling?

Of course, there are Sox personnel I've come to despise. This starts with GM Theo Epstein, a third-rate Billy Beane Moneyballer who has the advantage of, well, money, given his basically unlimited payroll. The Manny Ramirez Show has grown quite tedious. He wasn't this obnoxious and outta-control in Cleveland. Johnny Damon, once the functional equivalent of an electric cattle prod in the hindquarters of a moribund Royals franchise (in a good way) is enjoying his celebrity a little too much. And that caveman look? At the risk of sounding like a Bravo viewer, he could use a makeover. And speaking of people enjoying their celebrity a bit much: Kevin Millar. An obnoxious no-talent who has become team mascot.

Six and a half more months and it will be all over . The planets will return to their proper alignment. The Yankees will be AL Champs (unless the Minnesota Twins ( ! ) or the L.A. / California / Anaheim / L.A. Angels breakthrough). And the Boston Red Sox will go back to being failures.

It's like my friend Steve said when talking to a bartender who was wearing a Yankees cap. After talking baseball for a bit, the bartender asked him if he was a Yankees fan. He responded, "I am for this year."

Given the overbearing Red Sox media crush, it is a sentiment I heartily endorse.


Disclaimer: My hatred for the Red Sox has nothing to do with my status as a St. Louis Cardinals fan. After all, a Cardinals World Series victory drove one of the great moments in Red Sox failure (the 1946 Johnny Pesky "held ball" incident). I have no faith in Tony La Russa (a fantastic regular season manager) come postseason. The Cards' 2004 World Series has nothing to do with my anti-Red Sox attitude and, in fact, pre-dates it by decades (e.g., I pulled for the Mets in '86).
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